So lost.

So wow, I love this poem. It reflects my life and my battles so well with all the contradictions, yet it is totally coherent...good stuff. Enjoy!


So lost.
Nothing looks familiar,
Yet everything is the same.
I have been falling
In the same crevasses for years,
Never knowing where I am going,
But always finding my way back.
Falling rain.
The water washes my face
And the rock face below me.
Water, dirt, mud flows past my toes,
Over my feet it flows
I cannot see in this darkness,
But I hear a voice,
A new voice in my ear.
Or is it the same?
I have heard it once before,
Or maybe more.
How can I know what has been
When all that is will be again
Yet never come to pass.
Thus I follow the sound in my ear,
All the familiar boulders are washed away
By the surrounding rain.
Where am I going
When the world has dissolved
And solidity is only in a voice.
A single voice
That exists only in my dreams.
Yet my ears do not lie.
It is there,
I can see it
There in the sputtering
Spattering
Of water upon my flesh,
Upon this flesh
That has been mine,
That will be mine,
That never can be
Until the world ends.
Or this one at least.
Now another sound.
My head turns to engage,
My eyes look away,
I stray once again
And reach out a hand
To caress the sweet surface
Laid out before me.
The rock looks so solid,
But when I lean against it
Looking for support,
There is not anything there.
Where is this place I have entered?
The rain has stopped.
The sun shines bright.
I know this place.
Everything looks so beautiful from here,
But then again,
These rocks look familiar.
I realize
There is nothing new here
Except the despicable sun.
Oh what I would give
For just one drop of rain,
For just the sound of the drop,
For just the sight of it sputtering,
Spattering,
Upon love,
Upon life,
Upon us.